Managing workplace bullies – The Hindu

Bullies target the high performers.
| Photo Credit: Getty Images

I recently read a statement on social media that workplace bullies always target high-performers. And I had no reason to refute it. For some incomprehensible reason, their inadequacies take the shape of jealousy and resentment, breeding mild contempt for high-performers. They later turn these into taunts masked in playful banter as if the ones taking it seriously are the problem. Having noticed this act more times than I would want to, I started thinking about the “why”.

It might be their way of still being in power over the obviously powerful person — the one who is hard-working and diligent. Or when one is incompetent, they mask that insecurity by telling the world how to be, making the rest of the world feel like being the oddity. It could also be their way of letting go of steam because if they acknowledge the ones performing well, they are making themselves vulnerable to the dent in their performance, so this may be their last effort at guarding their self-esteem.

It’s easy to identify them as well because these folks are forever lamenting — a strange coping mechanism. And they would want you to lament with them too. They don’t just give you their opinions on how terrible the work environment around you is — their eyes linger on you for visible signs of belief while giving them. They want you to accept their falsities and jump into the ocean of the mess they created.

It overwhelms me and fills me with irresistible dread when I think of being around them. But over the years, I have also tried being tactful with them. I have heard them out and let that information pass me by, sternly protecting myself from that environment. When they filled me in on all the negativity, I tried being upfront about my observations and experiences that are far different from theirs. But the more I dissented, the more they tried to convince me. My last resort was always to rant my way out of it by discussing it with friends, hoping to put things in perspective and relieve my mind from all the peskiness that was brimming inside me.

But one of the things I never did is to confront them. I have never flatly told them that I don’t think I would want to be a part of this conversation, though I did make my reluctance and my lack of interest obvious most of the time. The reason I refused to be direct with them is because I did not want to hear the words, “Let’s talk in a couple of years when you have gone through what we have.” It feels like a curse masked in realistic assumptions. They resent your grit to survive and they dislike acknowledging their lack of grit so they tacitly try to bring down your energy.

The only way one can combat this energy is by putting your head down and work. Show up the next day with renewed vigour. Indulge in shorter conversations and do it tactfully. Protect your peace by working harder and more diligently. Don’t become negative and be a part of the party. Walk away with a smile wherever required because it is all right for them to know that you don’t belong there. But talk to them the next day as if nothing happened, the same way they gaslight you into thinking that nothing happened. Talk to your real friends more often. Learn the art of not keeping a grudge. The most peaceful human beings are the ones who can sleep over it and realise that the world is different the next day even if the same people are in it, the ones who wake up and realise yet again that these bullies aren’t a part of their life and so shouldn’t consume their life. Then get up and go to work and work until your heart is full.

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