Making a decision and standing by it

It is crucial for us to appreciate and respect the diverse ways people seek and find fulfilment.
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Since our school days, we have been encouraged to be bold and to ask questions. In essence, asking questions is about seeking understanding. However, some seize every opportunity to ask questions, often without considering the discomfort their enquiries may cause. This trait, though more pronounced in the elderly, is not exclusive to them. What makes it worse is the insistence on receiving a response, as though it is their inherent right. Imagine a conversation in which one person is hesitant to open up but worries that ignoring the question might offend the other. Such situations can be challenging.

I recall one of my friends, a highly educated, graceful woman with a mature outlook on life, who decided during her undergraduate years to remain unmarried. Over time, her parents accepted and respected her decision. Yet, what hurt the family most was the relentless questioning from friends and relatives about her choice. Initially, they tried to avoid answering, but eventually, their responses became curt, and they found solace in that approach.

One afternoon, she visited me and shared her excitement about going abroad for higher studies. She was thrilled at the prospect of living in a culture where probing into personal matters was considered taboo. While I shared her joy, I asked her — perhaps for the first time — why she had chosen to remain single.

She told me about a practice she had adopted during her decision-making process. Whenever she thought of reasons to marry, she wrote them down. Similarly, when considering reasons not to marry, she recorded those too. Over time, she separated the “to marry” notes from the “not to marry” ones. When doubts arose, she revisited her notes to reaffirm her decision. Confidently she concluded, “If you make a decision with your eyes wide open, you won’t regret it because fulfilment is deeply personal and individual.”

Most of us fail to recognise that every individual has unique perceptions of life, their own aspirations, and their chosen paths to fulfilment. For some, wealth holds little significance; for others, travel is everything. Some find joy in spiritual pursuits, while others prioritise different values. The list is endless. It is crucial for us to appreciate and respect the diverse ways people seek and find fulfilment.

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