Seniors should allow the younger generation space to lead their own lives.
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Do you want to capture the nuances of the evolving relationship of seniors with adult children? When the children are young, these relationships are often warm and supportive. However, as the children grow more independent, usually around age 10, a noticeable trend is seen. Tolerance begins to wane, and the relationship gets strained. In essence, the “law of diminishing utility” seems to take effect.
A primary friction point is the lack of communication. Mornings are rushed, and by evening, everyone is too exhausted for meaningful conversation. Seniors prefer a peaceful, stable home environment, while adult children crave stimulation and novelty.
Years ago, seniors focused on securing a good education and a stable government job for their children. Today’s parents, however, aim to enrol their children in prestigious public and international schools, often with IIT coaching beginning as early as the eighth grade. While many of these young students excel academically, they aren’t always considerate family members.
Suggestions from seniors are often seen as intrusive. Seniors should allow them space to lead their own lives and live separately but nearby. A retirement home is the best option. If you are not economically independent, pray to God to help you maintain a stoic silence and carry on.
The guiding principle is simple: you’ve had your innings; now, it’s up to them to navigate life as they see fit. Now let us view this from the youngsters’ point of view. I have come across elders demanding respect. Age is used as a trump card. There are some elders who seem to consider themselves to be the centre of the universe and children as slave labour brought into the world for their own convenience. The world is changing at a furious speed and the next generations are adjusting to this quickly when the seniors are still catching up with the changing world.
Now the new generation is ready to jump for faster growth, they are not too much worried about stability or savings with windfalls happening from time to time. They seek highly paid jobs irrespective of age so that they can quickly build wealth. Their income strategy is not to retire with gradually built wealth but build wealth quickly and make the money work for them in diversified fields.
Seniors should realise that their children are also doing their best to give the best of education to their children, allowing them to choose new and unexplored professions. It is such a pleasure to learn new things from the grandchildren and children and catch upon the changing world.
The motto should be not to be a burden, and not at all to advise unless it is sought for. Try not to help unless requested. Seniors should draw their own attention to the fact that discussions about topics such as a teenager’s behavior, a financial decision, real estate, or matrimony can quickly become unwieldy when too many inputs are offered.
Each voice, though well-intentioned, adds complexity, often overwhelming the primary decision-makers and diluting the focus of the conversation.
The 40-plus may not always seek or need guidance. Phrases such as “this too shall pass” or expressions of confidence in the 40-plus generation’s ability to navigate challenges can be far more powerful than offering unsolicited solutions that go unheeded.
Ideally, older generations could step back after offering a gentle word of caution, resisting the urge to insist on their wisdom.
All that the seniors want is time from you and your ears. Give them the emotional support they need at this stage of their life. Parents won’t be around forever. And after they pass away, no matter how much you yearn to talk to them, you wouldn’t be able to. As an octogenarian, I hope to be a soft, steady presence for them to lean on when they face life’s inevitable setbacks.
Published – March 30, 2025 02:58 am IST