Debilitating rage – The Hindu

With uncontrolled anger, relations break, and lives are lost.
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For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.— Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is enough literature on anger, the most abused human emotion. Even an infant betrays anger. Anger is an unwelcome attribute. Wars occur and empires crumble due to anger. Relations break. Lives are lost. It culminates in destruction and even devastation. Anger is the nemesis of one’s conduct.

There are varieties of interesting people: those who are angry with themselves for frequently getting angry, those who get wild if anyone tells them they are highly short-tempered, those who get angry for no reason, those who vent out their anger on totally unconnected people around, and those who go wild at others not getting angry like them when required.

I had a boss who was very angry with himself for losing his cool at the drop of a hat. He was helpless. He tried everything except containing his anger on impulse. He was dreaded and detested by one and all, including his own family. He lost his job, peace and eventually happiness. Last I heard of him was that he was staying aloof, away from his family.

I had an extremely short-tempered relative who never liked anyone telling him he was ill-tempered. He wanted all to believe that he was more than a perfect gentleman. He acquired more enemies than friends. All the same, people feared approaching him. He always felt he was the most misunderstood, little realising his shortcomings.

Then there are men who lose their equilibrium for no tangible reason. I had a cousin who used to lose his balance even when his favourite cricket team or political party lost in a contest. He would throw tantrums around, and counselling him to see reason triggered more bouts of anger. It took quite a few hours to get him normal.

Then there are those who never introspect on who they take out their anger on. The people facing his rage are mostly unconnected with what rankles him. Yet they are the victims of their ire. Whenever a person is angry, he or she most often takes it out on children. Poor souls, they know not the background of the anger. Yet they suffer mutely. Next they vent it out on their spouses. She or he may react. They don’t digest the response. They even indulge in disproportionate shouting and screaming in return, and worst, they might even take to violence, milder or harsher. Thereafter they may even direct their ire towards their poor aged parents. These old persons may not at all react. But they are deeply hurt.

Anger is natural, but frequent anger is unhealthy. While suppressing anger may end up in emotional choking, getting angry often is not welcome, either. When one is angry, it is safe not to take the issue to heart. One should not react on impulse. One should wait, allow the heat to settle, and cool it off. One should take it off one’s mind. One surer way is to sit quietly and recall any humour, or witty instance one thoroughly enjoyed. Even playing one’s favourite song helps. The situation becomes calmer inside. One should move on. There is no need to apologise or regret one’s intemperate behaviour later.

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